Divine Secrets of the Yaya Razor

A few days ago I claimed that I was preparing a post about shaving my legs. I confess, it was an idle threat. I had no plans to write about such a tedious topic. But, when I got home from work that very day, lo & BEEhold, I had a brand new Gillette Venus Breeze Razor Plus Shave Gel Bars in my mailbox.

Somehow, all the advertising that's been launched in the name of this thing has by-passed my awareness in every way. I knew nothing about it, but I ripped it open like Christmas morning and set it on the bathtub ready to roll. I noticed then that it's a weird-looking razor. It has two fat, pink bumpers on either side of the cutting strips.

Once I got into the tub and started using it, I realized that the bumpers are akin to crystallized KY Jelly. As soon as they come in contact with water, they begin to drool. You can drip it in water, then lift it up and watch a clear, unscented, slime filament down into the tub from the pink bumpers. It's more than a little disconcerting, to be honest.

I soaped my legs and shaved as usual, but I didn't particularly enjoy the mucousy goodness of its super-slick shave. It felt like I was shaving with a piece of over-cooked okra. And I noticed the next day that it wasn't a particularly close shave either. My legs already felt hot, hairy and itchy. Ugh!

The experience made me try to imagine who would benefit most from a shave with mollusc saliva. I thought maybe a 12 year-old girl who was just learning how to shave her legs would do well to use this razor. The buttery bumpers make it almost impossible to cut yourself with it. But I couldn't dream of who else would make good use of shaving with slug-ooze.

Until this morning that is . . . Showering this A.M. I happened to glance down & noticed that the "south lawn" needed a trim. This particular mow usually needs some time and attention to accomplish. It needs a steady and relaxed hand. And you have to choose your tool carefully. You can't use a Sensor Excel for Women without danger of damaging the peonies, let's say. If you use a beard-trimmer you're in real peril of performing your own clitorectomy.

Suddenly I thought of the brand-new razor with Okra-Goo™ technology. I ran the Venus Breeze blade under the shower head and spreken zie Deutsch! It spiffed up the Yaya Gardens in no time!!!

Kowabunga! I'm SOLD!!! My new Yaya razor let me zip through a task that seemed to take 45 minutes of uncomfortable yoga posturing and almost certain accidental slicing or dicing in the past. Thank you Gillette, for free admittance into the Divine Secrets of the Yaya Razor.